...

Excerpt from an imaginary conversation with one real dushbag.

HIM (condescending): Of course, you and your Ween thing...It's a band, you know, Christ...

ME: I am well aware of how it sounds: childish, teenage-ish, puberal. It's not. It's not a little 15 kind of thing with these guys. It's not like you listen to, God knows what, "Enter Sandman" at 18 and feel oh so abused and like you've already seen it all. Or you listen to any goddamn Placebo song and think it's so cool to be jaded, used, bored in such a sexy, sleazy manner. God, I loathe those assholes....

Listen. I listen to a lot of music, okay? a lot. And I'm 35, I'm not prone to drooling over some guy in goth make-up anymore. There's gotta be a lot more behind that make-up, preferably a brain. And definitely a soul. For me, now, after listening to tons and tons of music, there's Ween and then there's everybody else. They've got their own thing and no one else has it, it's unique. For instance, I love Nick Cave with all my heart, right? I respect, admire and love the guy. He's cool, old school way, Humphrey Bogart shit. And yet, dude, Ween gives me so much more. There's humor in there, sometimes subtle and sometimes crass, but it's there and it comes from a whole 'nother level of understanding. There's wisdom, there's poetry, there's beauty, there's childishness, there's sickness, tenderness, everything. And then there's the brilliance to combine all these in the perfectly right amounts.

Ah, fuck it, I can't describe it you, it cannot be described. You either feel it or you don't. This is not the kind of band you just mention casually, you know, like "hey, check these guys out, they're awesome". No. It really gets on my nerves when some asshole peeks into my playlist and says their name out loud for everyone to hear because I feel you have to earn Ween, you know. You gotta dig, gotta rumage a little, gotta listen and actually get them, their feel. I know it's silly, but I can afford it. You, for instance, let's say for the sake of argument, you could listen to all their albums and, sorry, still wouldn't get it. You're not wired for that. And that's not an insult, necessary, it's just a shame, you don't know what you're missing. But, please, don't condescent me. You don't know this, but it's like telling a child who'd just built the Colloseum out of cubes that you're proud of him for making them stand one on top of the other, such a flair for balance, and so colorful, here's a lollypop. Kinda makes you wonder who the silly child is. Yeah, I cry at goddamn movies, I even cried reading a comic book once, shit, but it's cool, it's ok, because there are no rules. Crying doesn't make you less of a man, just like jingling your Hummer keys around does not make you more of a man. Life, people are weird like that, they have whims and shitty jokes and bad days and loveable weaknesses...and Ween get that.

I mean, FUCK, I know this song from 94 and it still fucking tears me apart.

Ween - Baby Bitch